Sorry not sorry if this makes me sound bitter as hell but I fucking hate Valentine’s Day. As someone who is chronically single and most of the time quite happy to be so, Valentine’s Day still hits me like a slap in the face every February, making me you question how everyone else is managing to hold down normal relationships while I’m still getting left on “read”. If you read my last post about the Welsh Valentine’s Day you may be intrigued to know what, if anything, has happened with the potential love matches mentioned there. No prizes for guessing that those possibilities have gone to shit already and so yes, I am spending the 14th February alone, again. This year, as luck would have it, I am actually on my period this Valentines’ which is perfect timing because it means that at least I can’t set myself up with a sympathy shag and end up regretting it the next day.
There are about a billion blog and magazine articles out around this time of year advising you on the best place to date on Valentine’s and because taking relationship advice from me would be on a par with taking dating advice from an owl, I’ve decided to write you a little “Do’s and Don’t”’s list if you’re single on Valentine’s Day.
DO Wine & Dine Yourself
Who says you need a significant other in order to enjoy a good meal on Valentine’s Day? I wouldn’t recommend dining out alone amongst tables filled with happy couples – unless you want people to assume you’re doing some kind of symbolic performance art – but go out with another single friend or, my personal favourite, stay in and order in. Get yourself a bottle of wine, get a little loose, light some candles and eat some good food. When ordering a takeaway for one – which is every few days in my case – my personal trick is to always order two drinks with your meal(s); that way the delivery person doesn’t know that you’re going to be eating all that food alone. Nor would they probably care either way but still, it makes me feel better.
DO Treat Yourself
I mean, who really wants giant teddy bears and love heart shaped boxes of chocolates from someone you’re still only reluctantly putting up with so that you can go halves on the council tax? Personally, I like to treat myself by buying myself books or nice lingerie. One of my favourite places to buy lingerie from is Lovehoney as I have always found them to have a really good selection, stunning pieces AND, if you click on this link, you’ll save yourself 10% on your total order!
I’ve recently been gifted a beautiful lingerie set from them that I can’t wait to review for you all but in the meantime, my personal selections for pieces would include any their fishnet lingerie pieces and their mini bullet vibrators. You can thank me later.
DO Take Care of Your Own Needs
If you don’t have a partner on Valentine’s Day then who really cares when masturbation is SO GOOD. Think about it – you know your own body and you know what gets you off. Often foreplay with a partner can get dull or, if they are a new partner, they might not really know what gets you off yet. I’m yet to ever give myself a disappointing orgasm.
For men, Lovehoney has some great male masturbatory toys – which you can view here – that I actually got a little turned on just looking at…I use to have a real thing for watching guys using things like fleshlights, I actually think its really hot and why wouldn’t you want to enhance your wank if the option is there! I have a friend who says he uses these like sleeve things that you put on your cock when you wank and said he’d never go back to normal wank now, so like I said – treat yourself!
For ladies, I’ve recently been working with a company called Vegan Toys who sell funny but powerful sex toys – my personal favourites being this aubergine dream and theglass dildos . For visual purposes I really love the look of glass toys but in the past have often found them to be uncomfortable. I didn’t have that at all with these ones and would definitely recommend them as they are slim line and so easy to use. The bullet vibrators are also a personal favourite because WELL, you can’t go wrong with that much intensity on your clit – trust me! I’ll be writing a full “Kiss and Tell” style post soon about this range of toys so keep an eye out but in the meantime, be sure to use my discount code JAYE15 for 15% off. Good sex toys are definitely an investment so treat yourself!
So now we know what we can do to make ourselves feel good this Valentine’s Day, let’s run through the things it is best to avoid…
Do NOT drunk text every man/woman in your phone.
I am SO bad for this – so bad in fact that I don’t even have to be drunk in order to do it. I often wonder how socially unacceptable it would be to add every man on my phone into one big group chat when I have a new nude to send out, as opposed to the laborious task of sending it out to them all individually. In desperate times I’ve even gone through my blocked list on Whatsapp and re-added every number there, telling myself “maybe I was just hormonal and angry – how bad can they really be?” only to rediscover 5 minutes later that leopards don’t change their spots and neither do fuckboys.
Do NOT sleep with your ex!
Honestly, it’s not worth it. Valentine’s Day can make you feel shitty if you’re on your own but honestly, going backwards in order to ensure you aren’t alone on the 14th Feb is really not worth it. It’s always easy to get back with an ex because all the ground work has already been done; you know each other, you (usually) know what each other likes and there’s history there. Unless you’re one of those magical people who are able to hook up with someone you once had feelings for in a completely casual way then crack on but the chances are, you aren’t. I know I’m not and it’s not worth complicating things just to give yourself an ego boost for one night of the year. Remember, they are an ex FOR A REASON.
And finally, for the love of GOD, do NOT watch “The Notebook”.
The Notebook kickstarted my obsession with Ryan Gosling (that and “Drive” – phwoar, what a man!) and his character, Noah, provided the blueprint for every man I’ve potentially dated since. Granted, I’d be the worst architect of all time because clearly I can’t follow a blueprint plan for shit but it doesn’t stop me asking my friends – or myself – everytime one of us meets a new man: “would he build you a room to paint in?”. I’ve also lost the ability to be able to casually ask somebody “what do you want?” without having to repeat it like Noah.
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE a good cry – it clears out the pipes – and schedule one in for every three weeks or so but there are levels to my crying game, and once I go from Adele to Youtubing my favourite parts of the Notebook, I know I’ve hit the point of no return. The Notebook is an excellent film but do NOT watch it on Valentine’s Day.