I go to great lengths to stress that any opinions or experiences I write about on my blog are completely my own. I never claim to speak for other people nor do I claim to know what it’s like being anything but a woman because well, I don’t. This is why I like getting input from other guest bloggers, mainly because I’m a nosey bitch and I love reading other people’s opinion pieces and insights into their own experiences.
Today’s post comes courtesy of a male friend of mine because, contrary to popular belief, I don’t hate men and details his experiences of being in an open relationship and attending sex parties with his girlfriend. I think for a lot of men this is the ultimate fantasy; a real life having your cake and eating it set up where your missus is more than happy to watch you getting fellated by another woman before you all take part in a ménage a trois but my pal Mr White is open and honest about his own experiences with it all. I’ve been to two sex parties in my time with two different men that I was seeing, but we never took part. Not because I’m a massive prude but just because it didn’t do it for me like that. I enjoyed what I saw and did find the whole set up rather arousing but I never fancied anyone there enough to want to get it on with them. Plus, I was hideously insecure at the time and would never have been comfortable with watching my man fucking another woman. That being said, never say never….
Hi guys! My name is Mr White and I am a sex addict. I’m not, but that’s what people think they hear when I tell them about my lifestyle choices. What’s crazier is that when I tell people that I go to sex parties, the first thing they usually reply with is “but aren’t you worried about catching something?”.
That statement alone lets me know that using protection isn’t in the forefront of people’s minds when it comes to casual sex and that in itself is more worrying that any amount of sex parties I could ever attend. But to put you at ease; no, we aren’t worried about catching something because we all use protection and those within the seedy world of sex parties and orgies are checked regularly. So, there’s that one out of the way.
Those who know me know I am in a fairly open relationship. Not open to the point I can do whatever I want, but open enough to be able to discuss potential situations with my partner and act on them if we both feel the situation is right. But it wasn’t always this way. This underground world of debauchery is something still fairly new to me, having made my debut into it all only three and a bit years ago. It would have been sooner had somebody offered me the key to the kingdom, but instead I stood outside of a locked door staring through a window and wondering what a life like that would actually be like.
Answer: it’s fucking great.
Swinging isn’t for everyone…
I mean, don’t get me wrong, the lifestyle certainly isn’t for everybody and there have been times where I have had to ask some serious questions over what my boundaries are within my relationship. To begin with, there were a fair few boundaries in place; but after a few years those boundaries begin to disappear. Imagine it like running through a hall of mirrors. A giant fuckoff XXX rated hall of mirrors. To get to the end you are faced with routes that force you to take a look at yourself. But once you come out the other end the rest of the fun fair is there ready to be enjoyed; the fun, the excitement, the women that you have to be this tall to ride…
You definitely learn a lot about yourself. It’s a journey of self-discovery and sometimes you end up unhappy with what you actually find. Not in this instance, but I am just saying it could happen. For example, when you first start watching porn, everything is exciting. You click one video and you’re good to go. Two girls kissing? Bingo! MILF gives handjob? Sweet! [Insert famous actress name here] topless? JACKPOT! But as you get older and your tastes develop, you find yourself trying to find more extreme versions and spending an hour just searching through videos on PornHub.
And I suppose sex parties aren’t much different.
At first you are willing to go with the flow. You’ll take whatever you can get. It’s like an all you can eat sex buffet. You just take it because it’s on offer. Eventually, though, you realise that all you can eat really isn’t worth it and you start to become far more particular about what you choose. You realise that sex parties aren’t all about the sex at all, but socialising with people of the same mindset, making friends and being able to express yourself freely without judgement. And then having sex with them. So yeah, mostly about the sex because that’s what sets it apart from a normal party. Otherwise we would all just be stood around a table, semi naked, eating sausage rolls and desperately trying not to make eye contact.
Saying that I took to it like a duck to water would be a lie. Metaphorically speaking, if they were to rebuild the Titanic and it were to be everything they claimed the first one to be, I would be that. I would be the Titanic II. You see, my very first experience was… by all intents and purposes… a total shipwreck. Not because of the setting, or the crowd and not because it was new, but because of the weight of expectation backed up with a severe lack of communication. And in this world, communication is key if it is to work.
That’s the very first lesson I learnt. It’s also the fifth and sixth lesson I learnt. And again, the ninth, tenth and so on. Communication really is paramount. The issue we had was that despite me being new to that lifestyle, a lifestyle my girlfriend had introduced me to, I was so laid back and open that she just let me get on with it. I think in her mind I would be running around, dick out, windmilling to a big round of applause. In my mind? Well, I had no idea what to expect but it certainly wasn’t that. In fact, it certainly wasn’t much of anything to be fair. Anything I had imagined involved my girlfriend, but we hadn’t discussed it. It turned out that she was more content dancing, drinking gin and arranging for her two girlfriends to whisk me away into a dark room whilst she done it. Fucking hell, even looking back I think to myself what a fail. There they are trying to whisk me away, two goddesses, and I’m shouting stranger danger. Who even was that guy; somebody come collect your boyfriend!
Boundaries are Important
But I didn’t know the boundaries. I wasn’t aware that this had been planned and that I was good to go off and play. The experience ended up getting the better of me and it was all a bit much to take in. I felt like I was at that buffet table and that even though I wasn’t really hungry, this could be my only chance to enjoy what’s on offer. And you know what? When you think like that you aren’t going to have a good time; it adds a bigger weight of expectation and the occasion will end up getting the best of you.
Sex parties 1 – my dick 0.
I wouldn’t say she threw me in the deep end; more so she ferried me out into the middle of the ocean, strapped a 50kg cock to my back and pushed me in. Don’t get me wrong, I still had a bit of a play and enjoyed the night, but if I was introducing somebody to that lifestyle for the very first time, I would have handled it very differently. After all, you only get to experience your first time, the first time.
I guess the saving grace is that this wasn’t technically what you would call a sex party. Anybody familiar with Torture Garden will know it’s a toe dip into an otherwise bigger world. It’s just a big rave, in a big club somewhere, with the options of sex dungeons and a couple’s room. But mainly its people dressed sexy, drinking alcohol and dancing; mainly it’s just a big club full of people like my girlfriend.
And I have changed a lot since then. I have developed, learnt and experienced things differently. I was reborn after the first failings; a failing which the girlfriend openly puts her hands up and admits she totally dropped my balls. And this is something she has tried to make right; it may have taken a few attempts, but I have finally arrived. Roll out the fucking red carpet.
At the end of the day, we are just a normal couple. We bicker, miscommunicate and have faults just like everybody else. Do we have more sex than your regular couple? Probably not. Do we have more exciting sex lives than your regular couple? Absolutely.
What do you think, could you imagine yourself in an open relationship? Does the thought of watching your partner fuck somebody else get you going? Tell me all in the comments…