Question: I have relatively small genitals – around 5 inches – and I’m a bit frustrated that I might not satisfy my partner and I will never have a lasting relationship. I know sex is not everything in a relationship, but it’s damn important. So what do you think should I do? Or is it normal to the extent that I can have a stable relationship despite my size?

Does size matter?

The above question was sent in to me via my Ask Jaye page and, although usually I post my answers to the questions I am sent on the same page as they are asked, I thought this one warranted a bit more of an in depth response. “Does size matter?” is the age old query that seems to both plague and fascinate men as they try to get to grips with what women really want and I’m asked my opinion on this almost as frequently as I’m asked what I’m wearing.

And so let’s get stuck right in to the issue at hand – does size matter? In simple terms, no. So long as your penis works, you’re good to go. Obviously that’s the simplistic answer and every woman is going to have their preference and, as a woman, I can’t say I’ve ever had any similar worry to compare it too; vaginas tend to be one size fits all. I was intrigued to know just if size really is something that men worry about a lot and so I posted a poll on my Twitter, looking for some male input.

As you can see, it was pretty fairly split with some men even commenting to say that although they do consider their cock to be below average in size, it has never bothered them. I’d also hazard a guess that even those who answered “yes” to worrying about their penis size are still managing to have sex and healthy, functioning relationships. If you’re the original poster and are now reading this, at least you now know you aren’t alone in your insecurity.

I read somewhere that the average penis size for a man in the UK is 5 inches when erect and so really, your dick isn’t actually considered small, just average, which is not the best compliment I’ve ever given but hey! There’s no classy way for me to say this but I have seen a lot of penises in my time and for me personally, my “ideal” penis as it were would be about 7 inches long and relatively thick but that’s just me. Everybody is different; 7 inches to one woman might be a fucking python whilst to another its barely a mouthful. In the interest of a more varied viewpoint I asked some of my closest female friends what their preference is with most saying “medium”, which I’m going to estimate means 6-7 inches. To me, thickness and girth is always more important than actual length. In fact, if you asked some of the men who do have exceptionally large dicks they’d probably say they struggle to find women who can comfortably accommodate all of their length. No point having all that length if most of it goes to waste.

I’ve seen some pretty hefty cocks in my time and I’m not talking 7-8 inches at this point I’m talking proper, as-long-as-your-forearm-and-twice-as-thick hefty. Cocks so big that I imagine the owner having to coil it all up like a firehose in order to put jeans on. In Superbad, one of my favourite movies of all in time, Seth says “some women pride themselves on their dick taking ability”, which is true, some of us do but sometimes, when the guy is really big and he’s bashing away behind you with no real regard for your bladder, it can be hard to take. I use to fuck for a living so have some level of pride in my “dick taking ability” but even I find that if a man is particularly well endowed then I often find myself veering off ever so slightly to one side as he pounds away, to try and alleviate the intensity of it. If I have a big thick 10 incher rammed right up inside me it can really take away some of the pleasure when part of me is worried that one more big thrust might see me impaled on his joystick forever.

Through my job as a webcammer I also speak to a LOT of men who get off on “small penis humiliation”. This is when I quite literally mock them for having a small penis, jeering at how they can never possibly hope to satisfy a woman and how they should be ashamed to call themselves a man. This is probably NOT what you wanted to hear as advice for your penis issue but hear me out (!) – most of these men show me their cocks on cam and they are minute, like literally the ugliest micro cocks that you have ever seen. Some of them are lucky to be pushing three inches when hard and most of these men are still married so if they can do it then fuck it, you have no worries at all.

With regards to the original question about whether penis size will affect your relationships, I’m going to say no, it won’t or rather, it shouldn’t. Confidence is very attractive in a mate and it may be your own lack of it, coupled with your worry about your package, that might end up affecting your love making more than the actual size of what you are packing. Just like porn has given unrealistic expectations to men about what women like and how they like to be treated, I think porn has convinced both men and women that ladies NEED big cocks inside of them to even think about being able to orgasm. This is false as most women don’t come from penetration anyway, which is when you can fall back on your foreplay skills. As long as you make us cum, we are happy.

Even I, who claims to prefer 7 inches wouldn’t actually have a clue how big that is if you asked me to demonstrate with my hands, I’d just be guessing! If you’re still worried about your size being an issue then there’s still plenty of positions you can try that will guarantee a deeper reach and ultimately be more pleasurable to the both of you, such as doggy style and with her on top riding you. You are right, sex is such an integral part of a relationship but from what I hear, it falls to the wayside once you’re in one anyway. Relationships are built on other things too, apparently, such as respect and love and all that jazz.

And finally, if you’re going to unpick every possible issue you could face in the bedroom then you’d never get anything done! I’d rather a man with a smaller dick who can get the job done than a two pump and it’s over kind of guy. Any woman you sleep with is probably going to plagued with her own insecurities and worries that you’ll notice how her belly sags when she’s on all fours or that you won’t like the look of her vagina. Honestly, don’t sweat the small stuff.

(Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)